Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Attitude Adjustment

I quit. I mutter this to my son. I quit!

At that very same moment, my daughter bursts through the room, spinning her pinwheel and shouting, I win!  I win!

Thursday, February 20, 2014

It's okay to guard your heart.

This has been a hard week of bad news.  Not personal news, but news that I've been reading, of other people's tragedies.  I rarely watch the evening news because I take it too personally.  It feeds my fear, my sorrow, my anxiety.  It's just too much.  But, I still hear the big stories, because they are on my phone--on Facebook, Twitter, even text messages (containing Amber alerts). 

So, tonight, after the kids were put to bed, I lay down on my own bed, exhausted from the emotions of the terrible news of the day.  I was trying to wrap my mind around how to live in this world, enjoy my family, and not be anxious, when innumerable bad things happen everywhere, every day.  I wasn't really thinking clearly in those terms, more like just being washed over by waves of varying depths of darkness and sadness and almost-despair.  But if I had been asked at that moment to articulate what I was feeling, that description would have come close.

As I lay there, my mind flashed to my rabbi's wife and daughter.  They both live in the same world that I do, but they seem so positive, so even-keeled, so at peace.  What's different about them?  That's when I heard myself think, It's okay to guard your heart.

And, immediately, I felt some of the tension leave my body.  That was it.  They must be skilled at guarding their hearts.

I care about people and their sorrows and their problems.  But I have to learn how to guard my heart so that their sorrows do not become a burden I was never intended to bear.  I'm useless if I'm debilitated by someone else's pain. 

I'm praying that God will help me learn the right balance between caring and guarding, and show me what to do in every instance.

Above all else, guard your heart,
    for everything you do flows from it.
~Proverbs 4:23

Sunday, February 16, 2014

I have a love-hate relationship with running.  I love it when it makes me feel high.  I hate it when it makes my knees hurt.  The last time I went running, I pretty much decided that was it.  I was done.  That was about two years ago.

I think that whenever I say I don't want to do something, God laughs.

The other day, the kids were napping, and my husband was working from home.  I felt like God was telling me to go outside and take a walk.  (I rarely get any exercise, except for chasing after my toddler, and carrying him up and down the stairs in our house, and doing housework...)  Anyway, I pulled on my boots and jacket and headed outside.  Maybe it was something in the bright sunlight or the breeze, but as soon as I started walking, inexplicably I had the urge to run.  I don't have any running shoes, I thought to myself, kind of glad to have that excuse.  So, I just walked sort of briskly instead, circled the cul de sac, paced up the hill, and back to home.

But the thought/urge/idea was already planted there.   And I surrendered to it a lot more easily than I thought I would.  Maybe I should start running again.  Maybe I could start running again.  Because, after that last terrible attempt at running two years ago, deep down maybe I thought was something I just couldn't do anymore.  But during this walk, something in me just knew that I could.

So, two days ago, I found a pair of running shoes on sale for super cheap.  And there was only one pair left in my size.  (Was that God telling me something?)

So now, it's up to me to just get started and see where I end up....

P.S.  I know I hardly ever blog anymore, but I am on Instagram.  So, if you just can't contain your curiosity about my life and what my crazy (yet lovable) children are up to, you can follow me there.

Monday, January 06, 2014

She was in time-out (supposedly).
He had gotten into the recycling (yet again).

Nikon N80, Fuji 400H, rated at ISO 200.

It's been a while. I'm still here, living life with the husband and our two mischief-makers. The holidays were busy, and I've hardly had a moment to sit and think or write or read. I have been taking pictures, though. It's my one creative outlet that doesn't require loads of time. Especially since I've been shooting more film. Here's a picture of my son.* Taken with my Nikon N80 on Fuji 400H, rated at ISO 200.

*He's ELEVEN months old now! He took his first steps at around 9.5 months, and began really walking at ten months. I'm still surprised, and I see the kid every day.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

October 2013.  Fuji 400H; Nikon N80.  Lens [?]

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Friday, October 25, 2013

May 2013. Fuji 400H; Nikon N80. Lens [?] 99990029